Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
