he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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