now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
