yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
