Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
