He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
