Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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