Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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