the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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