I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
