i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
