Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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