So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
