Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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