Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
