This is not my ceiling
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
