Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
