god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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