she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my poor anus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
