so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
