I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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