i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
