we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
