Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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