Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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