First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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