so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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