I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
