He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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