kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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