We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
