I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
