Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
