I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
