I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
