we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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