Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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