that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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