if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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