Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You made out with two different species that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize