He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
