Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
