So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
