i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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