I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
