he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I understand Curling. That high.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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