Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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