If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize