I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
