I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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