What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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