tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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