he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
