so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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