she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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