i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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