WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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