Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
