It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
