No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Actions speak louder than pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
