he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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