i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
