i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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