The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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