Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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