I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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