Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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