I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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