exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
