Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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