Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
