I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
