well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
