Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
